Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
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