I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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