Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
