So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
