does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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