You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
