He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
