i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
