At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
