Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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