Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
