i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
