I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
