I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
