You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
