Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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