I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
