i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
