her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
