Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He felt like a one man threesome
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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