No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
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