New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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