To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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