I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
