I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize