I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
