The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Randomize
