I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
