I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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