i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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