my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
