you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
