she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
