smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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