Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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