How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
