i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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