Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
