Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
