I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
