remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
