Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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