she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Randomize
