How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize