your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
