Soap is not a condiment
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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