so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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