I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
