even my farts smell like vagina
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
