It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
