I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
