the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
