his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
