I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
