Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
FUCK WHALES
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