piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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