New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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