you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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