CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
