Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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