I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
