How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
if only i could text you this smell
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
This is my gift to your gina
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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