I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I understand Curling. That high.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
