2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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