3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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