Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
