i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
