if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
