Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
one might say we're banned from that church
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
