Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
