Pants 0. Shit 1.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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