there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
