my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
