First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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