He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize