Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
