My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He shit in the fireplace
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize