it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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