Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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