Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
