If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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