I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
