u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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