i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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