Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
