not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
