id be glad to
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
